OH my Gosh. Does the Uribeast really exist or just an Urban myth?

One day, I and my two best friends (a magic cat and an amazing dog) were wandering around in front of Mercadefan looking for something to do, when suddenly we heard loud voices came from the hell that were praising " Hurry up Alvaro Uribe, you are the best of the President in the Universe...!". As usual in this crazy country, this stupid cacophony has been proclaimed by the Uribeasts for long time ... So you really wanna know what uribeasts are..! First at all,I can tell you that they are NOT good people even human beings; Second, they always are soulless monsters without mind, heart and dreams too, and Third, they have always been against all movements that involve peace, love and knowledge... Well, as i was saying these about ugly ignominious freaks, one of these brought near and demanded me something completely immoral, dishonest and ridiculous, it said ,as usual , "You and your fellows HAVE TO GET OUT OF THESE LANDS, all of them belong to our God Urixer-xes, King of kings, Corrupt of corrupts, and so on ". So i answered furiously "Fuck off dirtbag, this space is public area and none would be able to move here right now".While I was "discussing" with the beast, another beast from the mob tried to attack me in my back with a huge dirk. At this moment, my magic dog (Baby) acted quickly and threw it away so far with a powerful thunder shock that came from its nose, which would have killed at once.After that, my magic cat said " Look over there, beyond the Pizza Nostra Andres, more and more uribeasts are approaching to fight and kill us, we have to move fast". Immediately, i did realized that we have to run away for save our lives and will have to reorganize us with others such as mid-level people, students from public universities, workers, displaced people, unemployed persons, troublemakers, hookers, hooligans and more in order to win the war because we will start the guerrilla warfare in Cabecera. We are ready 300 men against the Narcomafia.



At the beginning of the epic war, the uribeast oligarchy sent us all their famous and celebrated thugs as bodyguards, wardens, military police guys and the ESMAD to do the dirty job ""Social cleansing"". However, it was surprise for them because we already had planned a great ambush to kill these Nazi degenerates. Our plan was simple, we had prepared a big concert with Truanes and Raquira in order to draw the attention of many uribeasts, their invincible army and more corrupts who work in RCN and Paracol TV. In fact, everything went according to plan, so we murdered almost the uribeasts in the entire world thanked to a little c-4 bomb hidden, whose detonator was Marbelle's voice. My dog, my cat and i were happy cos the all concert blown up in many pieces, we saw the flesh, blood, bones and pain in the air.Then, something unexpected happened. he was front of my eyes, Urixer-xers, King of Kings who wants talk to me and said " Andres and his friends, you are very brave warriors. If you wanna keep these lands, you will keep it". Urixer-xer talked, talked and talked........ and finally he will have given the alarm to not continue fighting against him in a near future, because he is a God.Besides. Also,he offered me easy girls as Vicky Davila, Carolina Cruz, Ana Karina Soto; porn stars like Esperanza Gomez, all the girls of Pacinos' adventures for lose my virginity, money, lands and more... But, I refused his "generous" offer owing to i knew Urixer xers is no a man who keeps his word. Urixer-xer hit the roof and thereby started to insult me and cursed my friends, as a result that he has been afraid of us. I didn't care about this on the ground that i knew that we'll win the war against the Narco-Empire.



Day after day, we saw the Cabecera and Sotomoyor will be mine in a few weeks, we kicked aristocratic butts and displaced the oligarchy .. it should have been a very peaceful time for the Colombian people of the entire world, but it wasn't. In December, the armies' Urixer-xer bombarded us with heavy artillery while we were running away like rats in order to save our lives from the chaos, the big explosions and the deadly bullets. From now on, we have decided to finish the war, regardless of the cost. That's why we visited to a leading man Hugorila Chavez, who donated us the best quality of plutonium 239. This radioactive material was illegally retained to Fisionito one year ago (the atomic friend of the Homer Simpson), due to personal business. After that, we divided carefully the plutonium in 589 parts and we add a bit of c-4 explosive, which would sent to the oligarchy with the spanish name of ( Agro Ingreso Seguro ). So, we will have killed all the uribeast in the next year with a simple gift. And but the way, Merry Christmas to all, except uribeasts (of course).....